[allison]

I ran into an old friend from high school earlier today. I hadn't seen her in years. And yet she said she still recognized my voice behind her in line for Panda Express.

It's funny how memories come at you in waves. They taunt you and draw you in... until you're completely immersed in the past. From head to toe you feel the you that you once were. And you remember. More than any details, you remember how you felt.

And so as we made small talk about how we've been and what we plan to do in life, I felt the past creep in bit by bit. I remembered trying out for the school musical with her. How we'd been so excited to try out together; how sad I was when she didn't make it with me, since she was the one who encouraged me to try in the first place. I remembered the day she told me that her dad had cancer, how calmly she seemed to put it all out there... and yet in her crossed arms I could see her trying to hold it together, almost succeeding. I remembered not quite knowing what to say, but how I hurt for her. How all I could do was put an arm around her and sit in silence. I remember hearing that she was dropping out for a while because he passed away. How I was too nervous and unsure of how to even approach the subject when she came back to school. How I wanted to tell her I was sorry-- and yet fearing somehow that it wouldn't help at all. I remembered, before graduation, taking her yearbook and scrawling out the heartfelt words that I never knew how to say out loud before. Hoping it was better late than never.

...I'm not sure how to wrap up this story. There's no neat and compact way to file this one under Lessons Learned. All I know is that it leaves me feeling unsettled.

1. I hope that I'm never that kind of person again. Too self-conscious to go out on a limb for a friend.
2. I need to remember that everyone has a story. And most of time time, it takes a closer look to realize that.